We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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