Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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