Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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