we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
