so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
