all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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