No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
