since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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