were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
