I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
