So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think I sprained my soul last night
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
