Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
