I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
