she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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