But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
