You made me cry and you don't even care
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
