He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
