So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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