My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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