I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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