Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just pynch a tree in the face
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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