We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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