I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
