drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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