You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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