is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
