just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
