i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
