I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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