I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
