we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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