Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
