Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
