Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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