ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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