I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
