I wish I could teleport
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
