I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
