Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
