Where are you?
In a non slutty way
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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