I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
