I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
