I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
