turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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