Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
And then he peed in my hair
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
