May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
