I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
