i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
