Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
