NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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