I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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