If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
