I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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