my sisters under your porch take her home
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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