I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
