she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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