Duck Duck Cougar?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
