Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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