3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
