Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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