just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
