Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
