Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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