i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
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It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
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FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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