after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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