Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
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The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
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I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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