whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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