Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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