The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
