Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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