True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
